Remembering Michael

Two years... so many days, so many minutes since Michael died.  How did this time pass - so very quickly and yet....?

Despite the time...or even in the midst of this time...Michael is still very much a part of me.  While he is not here physically in the same way, I feel his presence, hear his voice and see the ongoing spirit that infuses my life.

From a practical viewpoint, I still have so much of his stuff throughout the house - from motorcycles to cameras, from tools to various other items - so many hobbies and interests that he was always trying out and exploring, wanting to learn everything about it so that he could do it right

Doing things “right” (aka as the “Michael way”) was very much a part of how he approached life.  Sometimes, it could be frustrating as he didn’t often appreciate the “Jennifer way” which is a bit looser.  I hear his voice still when I do things, particularly if it was something that he tried to teach me.  Mostly, it was helpful (not that I always admitted that to him).  I know how to use a power saw, understand a bit more about car maintenance as well as some home maintenance 

This sense of looking at things in a particular way found its creative expression, especially in his photography. He saw beauty in things that most of us would miss. His eye would be drawn into the intricacies of a flower, a piece of wood, or an insect. He would look below the surface to find the wonder of God’s creation in ways particular to his vision   

                     

This kind of particular vision found its expression in his views of justice amidst the chaos of the world. While much of his health would consume many of his days, Michael saw his experience as a calling to work for justice for others who struggled in their own lives. He did not let his health limit his concern or his voice for all who were in need.

In fact, his voice seemed to increase in intensity as his health got worse.  He desired the world to be restored to what God intended for all people. While he was unable to formally serve as a pastor in a church, Michael lived his faith as he spoke out against injustice and with concern with those whose voices weren’t heard.   This intensity pissed many people off - even among some who agreed with him - numerous people “unfriended” him on social media (some temporarily, even family).  His sense of rightness wasn’t subtle or always tactful, but you did know where he stood

Part of what amazed and comforted me after his death was the number of people that were impacted by his presence in their life. There were even some friends that he hadn’t even spent much if any time in person that spoke of his influence in their lives

Michael supported and challenged me,  pushing me to look beyond my own worldview and seeing life in different ways.  He loved me when I wasn’t particularly lovable some days.  He taught me and encouraged me to try new things.  And he made me laugh when I got too serious.

While Michael could be pretty intense, there ways also a very silly side to him, when a kind of juvenile humor would surface. His smile was huge and could elicit a smile in return. Even in childhood pictures, you can see that mischievous twinkle in his eye, making you wonder what  he was thinking.  There was a joy to him that liked to play.  And while one of my favorite pictures of him was one that I had to take numerous times to get it just right - he was still able to make it seem spontaneous 

While I wish that Michael had never died. Yet, only if it would be that he was healed fully. I wouldn’t want him to have to suffer again, especially as he did in the year before he died. I knew when we got married that our time would be limited. And as “Mr worse-case-scenario”, he continually “prepared” me for the inevitable. 

As much as I grieve his death,  I am also very thankful for the blessing of having him in my life, 10 years & 10 days as husband and wife. 

My life moves on in a different way, still discovering what God had in mind for me. Michael’s presence in my life continues, just in a different way - with his voice echoing in my thoughts, his vision shaping how I see the world around me, and his life as a reminder that life is precious and each breath counts!

En Camino, day 2 - Guatemala

It was a very full day!
Following breakfast, we went to see various parts of the Misión’s missions, beginning with the school right behind the church.  It is modeled after Montessori.  Entering the courtyard, young children were chasing each other around, playing, etc.  The director of the school - through our translator- told us the history as well as the philosophy of teaching. The school was one of the first parts of the Misión, noting the importance of education - not just learning information, but also life skills like cooking, traditional artisan work and the like
From there, we piled into the back of a truck to head up the hill to the Women's center where they learn various skills as well as giving of their time to the center in various projects.  They create beautiful textile crafts, weaving patterns based on their backgrounds and cultural connections
Back in the truck, we went to the medical center where we learned about its history and all the different care that they provide.  In addition to some medical physicians that visit, they have their own staff as well as health promoters that visit other villages in the area.  They train locals to provide care in their own communities. Last year, they provided care to 26,000 people
The last visit of the morning was to the coffee warehouse.  They work with local growers to give them a fair price for their crops.  They prepare and roast the beans for their own a Misión brand called Juan Ana cafe (named after Father Gregorio’s parents)
After lunch, we went to visit Andreas, a local man who shared his experiences with the injustices that he faced as a Mayan that was treated as less than human by the owners of the fincas (farms) that they worked on.   Through Father Gregorios efforts in conjunction with local people and funds raised in the states, they were able to buy the land of the fincas and build community based farms that provided sustainable livings for all - even as they endured 30 years of Civil war.   Andreas is an amazing man with a great love of God, appreciation for a Father Gregorios vision and work, and commitment to the well being of the San Lucas community.

A bit of local color was visiting the veneration of San Simón which is a local deity/“saint” that mixes various religious aspects of Mayan & Guatemalalan culture (google it for the full flavor of it)

We had a bit of down time before dinner as well as this evening.  It feels as if I’ve already been here a week after one day as we had such a full day

Note: these are initial recollections that I will fill in more later

En Camino - day 1 (Guatemala)

After arriving on Saturday night in Guatemala City, I was told that a driver would pick me up at my hotel at 7am to take me and another group to San Lucas. Needless to say that I was not ready when he arrived at 6:15am - but then that was the only low of the day
It was a beautiful day with little traffic as we made our way through the valleys and mountains to San Lucas. It is a beautiful country, very lush and green and the mountains are unlike ones that I have experienced elsewhere.
Once I got my stuff dropped off at the hotel and connected with the rest of the group, we took a boat ride across lake Atitlan first to San Juan, then took a Tuk-tuk ( sp.?) to San Pedro for a bite to eat(need to get pix to show what they are).  Back in San Juan, did a bit of shopping before getting back on the boat for San Antonio (no, not Texas) where we visited a ceramics shop as well as a textile coop to learn how they made both.
They showed us how they not want not spun the cotton, but dyed it using plants, wood and even dried bugs that all creat such vibrant colors. Then they wove them into cloth for close thing, table runners and so much more
Back in San Lucas, we gathered at the mission for supper then i got a brief orientation with helpful info such as the following:
1) don’t drink the tap water
2) don’t flush the toilet paper as the system can’t handle it
3) don’t pet any of the dogs that wander the streets as they can either be very protective of their owners or if they are more feral, need to be careful of rabies
4) be back at the hotel by 9pm

I definitely got in plenty of steps today (over 15k!) and that included time in the van and on the boat

The people are so gracious and patient with this gringo with so very little Spanish speaking ability. I am looking forward to meeting many more over the next week and learning more about the various aspects that the Misión participates in
This just barely scratches the surface of today’s experiences, but wanted to give you a brief glimpse (pix to follow on Facebook and Instagram)

Share the wealth

A number of years ago, I kept driving by this one Fire station that had the following on their community sign:

 Share the Wealth

Give Blood

I thought it was a great way to think about giving blood. 

It is something that we have that is purely a gift - we can't create it ourselves or mass produce it. 

It is literally giving from the heart. 

It is sharing a part of ourselves with another person that we will never know. 

It is making a difference - a life or death difference in some cases

As scripture says "we have this treasure in clay jars"...in our flesh, blood gives us life and is a treasure, wealth that we can give to others.

Isn't this at the heart - literally and figuratively - at what it means to live our lives as God's people - to share that which we have received.

We are blessed by this life entrusted to us by God and we are called to be faithful stewards of all that has been given to us.

One song that we sing often in worship is "We are an Offering" where we proclaim that "Lord, use our voices; Lord, use our hands; Lord, use our lives, they are yours: we are an offering.  All that we have, all that we are, all that we hope to be, we give to you..."

And so, we are invited today to share the wealth as we give blood for the lives of others



P.S. My metaphor falls apart when I came to realize that the phrase "share the wealth" was about bingo and not the blood drive - still makes for a good illustration though.

Spiritual diving

I’ve often described and imagined life as an ongoing journey (hence the name of this blog).  Over the years, there have been times when I have been more and then less aware of God walking with me.
I will admit that I have often treated God as a kind of silent companion, always there just in case I needed him.

Recently, it has less of the feel of walking and more like swimming (sing a bit of Dorys ‘just keep swimming’).  I can swim, but I’m not necessarily the strongest of swimmers and don’t really like to swim under water or dive deep.  The reality of this stems from a childhood experience that while I could swim underwater back and forth between my parents at a very young age, after my Dad’s death, I no longer would do it.

This seems to have become a metaphor for my spiritual journey as of late.

As a pastor, I am immersed regularly in scripture, worship and prayer.  I do “pray without ceasing” for others, the church and myself.  I wouldn’t say that I have really ever “lost” faith, but more like I was only skimming the surface and not diving deeply in.   There have been times in the past that I had done so, but it’s almost as if I had “forgotten” or just gotten comfortable with staying on the surface.

The past year or so has been extremely difficult for a whole host of reasons, many of which were out of my control.  Skimming along the surface wasn’t working as I was being pulled down into the depths again and again.   There were days that I felt like I was flailing as well as failing.

Yet, in the midst of this, I finally saw God who was always reaching out to me - not to take me back to the surface, but to learn to swim in the depths.   I have fought to get back to where I was comfortable, but was so weighted down by all that I was bearing that I didn’t have enough strength of my own to do so.   There were days when I felt like I was drowning and wanted to just give up.

God wouldn’t let me and kept sending me companions to teach, support and accompany me in the depths.  

God invited me to explore the depths of my own life.   Through the gifts of others own learning to “dive deep” into their own depths, my eyes were opened from fear and uncertainty so that I could begin to see the wonder around me, even as I was and am still struggling.

I do come up for air, but am more willing to dive a bit deeper, knowing that I won’t drown in these depths.  God has carried me through the currents of vulnerability, belovedness, hope, and a greater willingness to live in the moment rather than worrying about the future.

Like our life’s journey, it is not so much about the destination but about where we are in the present time.  I have learned much about myself and who God has created me to be.  I have grow just a little stronger as well as willing to enter into the deep end of life.   It is still scary many times, but as long as I turn to a God - not to rescue me- but to give me the strength, guidance and assurance I need, I keep on swimming.

Footnote:
Some of the companions for me have been a series of books and authors who have guided me.  They are:
Readings on the Enneagram (which helped me to look more at myself in a different way)
Henri Nouwen (who reminded me of my belovedness in Gods eyes)
Brené Brown (who is teaching me the gifts of vulnerability and rising strong)

Mourning to Morning

When I arrived at Trinity Lutheran Church, there were numerous groups already meeting as a part of the ministry here as well as outside groups that use our building regularly.  One of those groups was a "Bereavement" Group that had been meeting for years.  It was a small group of widows that after awhile dwindled to just one person.

I had thought periodically about starting a new one and have thought more deliberately about it in this past year following my  own husband's death.

Yet, the word "bereavement" or "grief" seemed like such sorrow filled words that I didn't even want to approach them.  I got hung up on them even as much as I knew (and know) the benefits of such a group both for me personally as well as people in the congregation and community.

Its not that I - as well as others - aren't sorrow-filled over the death of our loved ones.  But it seemed that this time is about so much more than just tears and grief.

It is about letting the tears flow when they need to along with waking up to each new day.  It is not forgetting the past or our loved ones, but taking them with us in a new way as we embark on what life now holds in store.  It is living in just this moment - because sometimes that is all that we can do.

It is about living from "mourning" to "morning".

I also thought about the different kinds of grief and mourning - not just the bereavement from the death of a loved one.  People experience all kinds of losses in their lives - loss of job, health, divorce, other life circumstances, purpose, homes and the like.

So the question arose about how might a "grief group" help all of us in whatever kind of mourning we experience?  Yes, there are different kinds of challenges with each kind of loss.  However, that is true as well in the death of our loved ones - each relationship is different and filled with its own changes.

How do we - as a people of faith - live "mourning to morning"?  How might we as fellow children of God walk with each other through not just our grief but the changes and challenges that we face daily?

We begin by gathering and sharing where we are in our journeys, our time of mourning.  We pray with and for one another.  We cry together and we laugh together.  We share the comforting grace of Christ.

No program, no agenda to force us through our mourning; just the love and grace of God that washes over us and can bring us peace.

If you are interested in being a part of such a group - contact me (revjedyer1@yahoo.com) as the first date and time are determined.

Grief “rules”

May has often been a difficult month for me - despite the arrival of spring after a northeast winter.  There is this lingering melancholy that floats in the air around me.

My father - Charles J. Manske - died at the end of May.  He was listed as “missing in action”for barely 24 hours on May24, 1969 before declared dead after his plane went down in the South China Sea during ther Vietnam war.  The date of his death “fittingly” often falls on Memorial Day weekend.  I was just a month short of turning four years old and regretfully have no memories of my own, only those that I have borrowed from family.  Yet, there is that part of myself that is “missing in action” becasue of his premature death.

For the past ten years and until this past year, I had the celebration of my husband Michael’s birthday on May 11th (he was actually born on Mothers’ day) to bring some joy into an otherwise sad month.  That all changed on July 31, 2017 when after years of health problems, he died.  A deeper shadow now falls across this month that is otherwise marked with the new life of spring.

Though I have dealt with death both in my personal life and as a pastor, it is different when your spouse dies.  Even though I knew when we got married that death was a very real presence in our lives, you still don’t fully understand its depth until you face the days and months (and later years) after the death of your spouse.

I have read a few different books about grieving and widowhood - many of them about each person’s own experience with death.  What I have really learned from them - as well as from my own experience - is that for each of us death and grieving is different.  Not just because of who I am or what I have experienced, but because of the very nature of each life that was intertwined with my own - be it Michael, my dad, stepdad (Lee), grandparents, parishioners, etc. or those deaths that have touched your own life as well.

(Grief also takes on different forms and ways of being experienced as we face other “deaths” or changes in our lives - such as the loss of a job, changing health, other family and relationship situations)

The only real “rule” for grief that I have determined is that there are no set rules and that we each need to let our grief evolve and flow as we each need and experience it.  There is no set timeline for our grief nor an “ending date”.  It doesn’t expire, but rather it adjusts and morphs as we experience and live in and through it.

I am by no means an “expert” in grief - not even my own.  Yet, I remind myself that there are no “shoulds” to grief or proper or right ways to grieve.  Some will openly grieve; others will do so in private; still others will try to hold it at bay for as long as they can (yet grief buried will reveal itself at some point and in a variety of ways).  There have been days when I’ve felt as if “I’ve moved on” until it catches me off guard with a seemingly insignificant trigger.

No one can tell you how or when to grieve.  I believe that there is not a wrong way to grieve.  There is only my way or your way to grieve in our own time, through all the ebbs and flows of it.

There are certainly books that can flesh out the different stages of grief (though there is nothing chronological about them, but rather they spiral and circle around us).  And there are books that do share the experiences of others that can be helpful to just hear another voice that understands some of what each of us is living - though it is not as an exact replica.

A number of years ago, I titled my blog as “On the Way” which is apt for my life now as a widow.  Destination is unknown, but that is true for whatever any of our lives look like.  It is the path that we trod - sometimes wandering off to sit on the side of the road, contemplating where we have been.  Other times, we struggle across treacherous terrain and wonder if we will be wounded and then healed in the process.

There are times that others accompany us - in companionable silence as they reflect on their own journey; or who want to help us along the rough road.  Still others might try to rush us faster than we are ready to go or tell us where where we need to go

Still it is our feet that we need to put one in front of the other as we make our way.

I don’t know always know where I am going nor what is around the next curve.  What I do know , as a person of faith, is that Christ walks with me.  Assuring me that I am not alone and that when I’m undersure or weak or not sure about what I am doing on, that Christ is walking with me, offering me strength, hope and guidance.

I may from time to time continue to share this journey with you as I make my way.  Know that my prayers are often with all those who grieve as I am experiencing and living into this grief that is part of my life and that leads me towards hope as well as new life.

Blessings always!

Flexible struggles

A few days ago, I got a paper cut on the inner part of my right index finger, right behind the knuckle.  Thankfully, it has already begun to heal, but for that first day, it seemed that every time I bent my finger, I was reminded that it was there.   I have had numerous paper cuts over the years and this surely won’t be the last one (I am a bit clumsy after all).

Yet, as I reflected upon it - I realized that if I somehow avoided bending my finger, I didn’t have to deal with the pain.

About 20 plus years ago, I broke my pinkie on my right hand (which warrants its own blog post somewhere down the line).  I had to have a temporary pin put in as it was also right at the knuckle.  This was followed by weeks of hand therapy.  Yet, despite that, I cannot fully straighten or fully bend that finger.  It is still a bit crooked.

With the supposition that everything can be a sermon illustration, I got thinking about this small slice into my index finger in relationship to my crooked finger.  In not bending either finger, I was able to avoid pain and discomfort but I also was limiting its usefulness and my ability to do a variety of things.

Could we not say that about the way that we live our lives as well?

In our reluctance or inability to be flexible, do we not also limit our lives, our perspectives, our abilities to grow, stunt the growth of our faith?

We might think that it would be too painful to change, to be open to new things.  Or that it will be too  difficult to try.  That we aren’t somehow up to the challenge.

Yet, if we remain immobile, the muscles of our faith can atrophy.  And like my crooked pinkie, we limit what could be possible, what we might yet experience.

Change requires movement, flexibility and even discomfort and pain at times.  In changing, we find new things are possible - new ways of viewing our lives, our relationships, our perspectives.  In doing so, we open ourselves more fully up to God, remembering that with God all things are possible!

Longest Night reflection (2017)

Of all the services for the Christmas season, this one has become my favorite.  It has seemed the most genuine, not marked by the trappings of a more secularized Christmas.  It highlights the harsh reality that Mary and Joseph faced as Jesus was born among us

–  difficult travel over rough terrain when 9 mos. Pregnant

-          Under the control of the Roman gov’t that could demand such a journey

-          No place to rest after a weary journey except amongst the orders of a stable

-          No welcome or hospitality – could it have been b/c of the questionable situation regarding Mary’s pregnancy

-           

But this year, while I knew that I needed this service, that I need the grace of this service, I have been scared as well.   Do it want to face my own pain?  How can I pastor others in the midst of my own sorrow?

This service invites us, invites me to be vulnerable, to touch those tender and hurting places that I have tried to keep busy and ignore, push aside for another day or just take a deep breath and endure.  It offers a place of rest and comfort away from my own attempts to be strong and carry on

I looked through a variety of books and other resources so that I could avoid my own sorrow and focus elsewhere.  There is surely someone else’s words that will suffice and will be acceptable under the circumstances.   I have gotten fairly good at putting aside my own emotions, for the most part, over the years.

Death and sorrow are no strangers.  I have faced many deaths and leavings throughout my life

-          From the time of my birth when my twin sister died

-          The death of my birth father before I was four

-          While I was blessed to have five sets of grandparents, all 10 of them have died – the last and most difficult one being my Grandpa Berg to whom I felt the closest

-          The death of my stepfather a year or two before I met Michael

-          Have presided over at least 100 or more funerals in my years as serving as a pastor (with as many as 10 of them in the past few months)

-          I have experienced a kind of death when I resigned from my last congregation and was on leave,  from call, unemployed, for a year

-          As well as the ending and changing of various relationships over the years

Death is no stranger and I have even “prided” myself on being a survivor amidst all these deaths; pulling myself up by those “proverbial boot straps” and getting on with what needs to be done until my grief catches me off guard and slides down my face

But this service, these words that I speak, that we share together this night are calling me to face the pain, the sorrow, the grief – to be honest with myself in the presence of God.  It brings us to the manger, along with Mary and Joseph in the harshness of their own reality, in the dark nights of our own souls.  And it is here that we meet Jesus.

God knows the pains and sorrows of our hearts better than we ourselves.  While we may not always be able to name them – God knows them.  When we don’t even want to voice them, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us in sighs too deep for words.

Christ was not born to brush away all the sorrows of this world, to whisk them away on the wind so that we would live a kind of “don’t worry, be happy” kind of life.  We are met by Christ at the place of our sorrow.  We are met by the One whose love is so powerful that it would face death itself, showing us that love never does end, that love overcomes death and sorrow, offering healing, hope and peace.

We come this evening to name our sorrows, our frustrations, our pain.  In the naming, we are offering them to the Christ-child, not to “fix”, but to help us carry them.  In the words of scripture, we hear the words of hope spoken by those who have gone before us, those who have faced pain and sorrow of their own.  They share their own journeys through the “valley of the shadow of death”, knowing that God accompanied them in those times.

As we come to name before God our own sorrows on this longest of nights, we come seeking the peace and comfort of Christ.  We come, magnifying the name of God – for he is the One from whom light shines in the darkness.

I end with a Blessing for the Longest Night written by Jan Richardson, following the death of her own husband a few years ago.  May her words shine Christ’s light on us as well.

http://adventdoor.com/2011/12/19/winter-solstice-blessing-for-the-longest-night/

International Womens Day

As I sit here in my red shirt in my office (no, I didn't "strike" today), I am reminded of countless women who have been influential in my own life and so I want to honor them here with brief tributes (this is most certainly not an exhaustive list; and I suspect that I will continue to add to it).

Family
Amanda Peterson Alquist, my great-great grandmother who came from Sweden by herself at 18 to build a new life in the US (we still make her Swedish rye bread today)

Edla Bloomquist, grandmother of my grandfather who spoke only Swedish raised my grandfather and took in boarders to make ends meet

Margaret Berg & Altjie Manske, maternal & paternal grandmothers who's gifts of hospitiality, faith and love reflected throughout their lives.

Elaine Berg, mother extraordinarie who lives as an example of living your life to its fullest no matter the obstacles, setbacks or curveballs that life throws at you.  She showed us what it means to be a "right on woman" and to not accept any less

Marilyn Dyer, "wicked" stepmother whose does celebrate life in all its fullness with love and laughter

Cristina Dyer-Droback, "favorite" sister whose creativity finds its expression in work and play, setting the example for the next generation of "right on women" with Serena

Friends
Consciousness-raising women (Mom, Bernice, Pam and Dorothy) who, while they didn't "burn their bras", sought to be and raise "feminists" in their midst

De Brown who helped me to "not take any shit" from others and stand up for myself

Colleagues
Marie Jerge, pastor/bishop/friend  whose gracious leadership and spirit-filled faith serves as an example to me daily (she is also a mentor)

Female Clergy Prayer group (Susan, Ruth, Marie, Maryann) with whom I journeyed in faith during my time in WNY.  Their prayerful support and witness continues to undergird my journey today

Clergy sisters (Lena, Nicole, Stephanie, Lydia) with whom I meet with now as we share the joys, struggles and laughter of parish ministry

Mentors
Patricia Lull, pastor and internship supervisor helped this "PK" (pastor's kid) find her own voice as a pastor, challenging me and helping me clarify "why I wanted to be a pastor"

Marion Love, Theatre dept. chair at college who encouraged and supported me both in quite literally finding my voice as well as in the discernment process of going to seminary

Through her-story
Suffergettes such as Susan B. Anthony, Sojouner Truth and so many others that we do not know their names who fought so hard for their own rights as well as the rights of others so that I have the privilege and responsiblity of voting

Historical figures like Sybil Luddington, Abigail Adams and the like who only seem to get a footnote in our history books and yet played much larger roles in our history than they are given credit for

Nobel peace recipents like Malala and Leymah Gbowee  for standing up in the face of injustice, despite the dangers, to bring peace and hope into the lives of others

Celebrities like Michelle Obama, Beyonce, Ellen and Oprah who don't like the world define or direct their identity


I thank God everytime that I remember each of you and pray that, inspired by your life and witness, I may help others find their own voice and be bold in the use of our gifts for the sake of all people 

The Gift of Life

As a pastor, I am often with families who are going through difficult times in their lives - many of them life-changing.  I pray and wish that I could do something to help allieviate the pain and suffering that they are experiencing.  I long to be able to turn back the clock and prevent a particular event from taking place.  I want to be able do something - anything to help.

In the past week, many of us have watched helplessly as Jessi-Ann's heart failed and she was placed on a machine to keep her heart beating.  We hold onto every bit of news that brings us hope as we wait to see what will happen.  We want to be able to help, to do something - anything to bring the healing and hope that we all long for.  Yet, we must live in the midst of the uncertainty and the waiting.

As one who has been by the bedside of a loved one, waiting and watching, often with uncertainty, it is difficult to tell others how they might help.  What we want the most is healing and renewed life and that rarely happens overnight.  It is not something we have to give to those who long for it.

Jessi-Ann's family has had numerous people ask how they might help.   And as I thought and prayed about what we could realistically do, I thought about Jessi-Ann and her life that she has lived with such abundance since her heart transplant.  She is more than just the receipient of a transplant but an advocate and support for others who are in need of a transplant themselves.  The gift of life that she was blessed to receive is a gift that she celebrates to its fullest.

Yet, New York state has the third-lowest donor registration rate in the country, but it’s ranked third-highest among all states by the number of residents in need of a transplant.

I believe that one of the greatest gifts that we can give is the gift of life.  I personally am blessed by the gift of life from a bi-lateral lung transplant that was given to my husband, Michael over 21 years ago.  We would've never met if that young man's family had not offered this gift in the midst of their own sorrow.  Jessi-Ann would not have had the life she's had thus far without that gift of life eight years ago.

While we may not be able to bring the quick healing for Jessi-Ann that we all pray and long for, we can honor her life and her love that has touched us all.  Think and pray about registering to be an organ donor (see the link below) or donate blood at an upcoming blood drive.  Talk to your family about your decision as they will likely to be the ones who will be faced by it.  Invite your friends and other family members to do the same (let's see if we can change those NYS statistics!)

As we have been blessed by the gift of Jessi-Ann's presence in our lives, let us promise to share the gift of our lives with others.


https://www.donatelife.net/
  

Eat, Pray, Love series

During these summer months, we have been gathering following worship for a time to share a meal together and learn different ways to pray.  I included a couple of things in my previous post but wanted to share a few more.

Prayer during different seasons of our lives

   Summer is a time of many different kinds of events

-          What events are you attending/participating in this summer?

-          How do you mark them?

o   What kinds of things might we pray about for these events?

    For everything there is a season

           Read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

-          Other kinds of milestones in people’s lives (good or bad)

o   examples

§  Retirement

§  Moving

§  Losing job/getting new job

§  Teen getting license

§  Empty Nest or new family

§  Specific holidays

                    * What kinds of prayers might be lifted up for these kinds of milestones in your life or the lives of others?

- Tangible ways to mark these seasons

o   Laying on of hands with prayer

o   Prayer shawls to surround and uphold them(not just when people sick)

o   Lighting a candle

o   Make a collage of pictures (not just for funerals)

      

Resources:

      For Everything a Season; Blessings for Daily life by the Nilsen Family

      All Through the Day, All Through the Night: Family Prayers & Celebrations by David Batchelder

Praying with Color

   One of the newest trends is coloring books for adults.  You can find them just about anywhere.  Pictures and images can even be downloaded online.

 In this session, we used coloring pages that had Psalms connected to them.  

        They became a kind of meditation as we focused on the verse as we colored in the picture.

Another way is to do your own drawing, using this framework from a book called Praying In Color by Sybil Macbeth (the following is from her website:  http://prayingincolor.com/ )

 Reasons to pray with color:

1) You want to pray but words escape you. 2) Sitting still and staying focused in prayer are a challenge. 3) Your body wants to be part of your prayer. 4) You want to just hang out with God but don’t know how. 5) Listening to God feels like an impossible task . 6) Your mind wanders and your body complains. 7) You want a visual, concrete way to pray. 8) You Need a new way to pray.

 Here’s how to get started :

1) Write your name for God on a piece of paper. Draw a shape around it or just start to doodle. The drawing becomes a prayer space, a small prayer closet.                     

2) Add marks and shapes. Focus on the name you chose. Ask God to be part of your prayer time with or without words. If words come, pray them; if not, enjoy the silence

3) To pray for a person, write their name on the page. Draw around it. Add color, if you want. Keep drawing as you release the person into God’s care

4) Add other people to your drawing. Think of each stroke of your pen as a prayer for them. Take a breath or say “Amen” between each person

Praying on the way

Over the course of the summer months, we are gathering after Sunday morning worship for a series called "Eat, Pray, Love".  Each week, after sharing a meal together, we are learning about and using a variety of prayer practices.  I will be sharing some of these resources on this blog as well for you to use in your own life of prayer.


Pocket Prayers

Activity: take 3 items out of your pocket/bag/wallet

1)      Personal

2)      Everyday item

3)      Something that you keep meaning to take out or get rid of, belongs elsewhere

Describe each item 

-          Where did you get it

-          What is its use

-          How long have you had it with you

How might that item become a prayer?

     For example: a grocery reciept could become a prayer of thanks for a meal or it could be a petition of hope and help for all those who don't have enough to eat.

Use that prayer as a part of your prayer time or even as a short prayer as you look for your keys that you can never seem to find.

Finding/Setting apart Sacred Space:

“Be Still and Know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

      Most of our lives is filled with activity and noise, to-do lists and calendars.  “Jesus went off by himself to pray” is a verse that is often repeated in the Gospels which echoes the Creation story when “on the seventh day God rested”.   We all need “down time” and even just brief moments of silence and rest.

        Find a spot in your home (or outside in nicer weather) where there doesn’t seem to be as much regular activity.   Place or arrange in this spot – a comfortable place to sit and a small table.  You may want to put a candle or a cross or other small item on which to focus on the table, but keep it simple.

         This is your sacred space (it can be shared with other people in your home).  It can be a place you go to for your regular time of prayer, to keep and read your Bible, to use other prayer practices or to “just be” silent with no agenda, no specific prayers, etc. 

Who to blame?

My heart aches even as my mind is numb as I try to understand yet another mass shooting in our country.  We only begin to feel "normal" again when something horrific like the killing of innocent lives in Orlando shakes us out of our blind comfort.

And then in less than 24 hours, the posts and comments turn to who or what is to blame - guns, mental health, Muslims or even "the gays" themselves?  We all want to be able to definitely point our fingers at one root cause as if it is just a splinter that can be plucked out and all our pain removed.

Life is not that simple or clear cut.  We remain blinded by the lure of blaming if we believe that there is a quick or easy answer.   And ultimately, blame will not bring the victims back to those who mourn; it will not return life back to "normal" and it will never adequately answer the questions of "why?".

In trying to "un-numb" my own brain, here are a few of my own thoughts on that which has become the focus of our blame:

Muslims - While there are are extemists who claim that their violent actions are in the name of Allah, they are millions more who decry this violence and this abuse of a faith that centers around prayer and helping others, particularly during Ramadan.  Every religion as well as other ideologies have their own extremists who will distort the central teachings for their own purposes.  We cannot blame a whole group for the violence of the few.

Guns - First of all, to be honest in these reflections, I am not an advocate of guns and would support greater background checks and limited access to assault weapons.  I am  not advocating a change to our Constituation and the right to bear arms.   While there are many responsible gun owners (including my own family), there are aslo too many loopholes that need to be changed.  No, this won't necessarily keep the all "bad guys" from killing others, but it will thrawt those who act in moments of passion and rage.

Mental health - like other stereotyped groups, those with mental health issues are often only seen as "crazy".  We want to carticuture them and put them all in the same category at the same time that we don't want to talk about its impact in our own midst.   There is not enough care and support for those who suffer with mental illness.  This needs to change.  At the same time, just because someone does have this illness does not mean that they are going to go on a killing spree.

LGBTQ folks: another stereotyped group that has endured much throughout the years - not least of which has been directed from the Church.  Like everyone else, they want to be with others who they love and want to be loved in return.  Many cannot look past the "sex act" (which we don't tend to focus on with hetereosexuality) and see this central aspect that makes up all of our lives.  Jesus hung out with those who were marginalized and shunned - he would've more likely been in Pulse than Disney world.

There is so much more than I could say about any of these foci of our blame.  These brief reflections are just for the sake of getting us to move beyond blame and towards love, acceptance and ways that we can work together to prevent  future shootings.  Blame gets us nowhere except to greater fear and division.

If we are motivated by love and concern for one another, we then seek out ways to build up our community rather than tear one another down.  Getting to know and respect those who are different from our own experiences can only enrich our lives and strengthen our country.

What will you do today that builds others up, that shows the unconditional love of God in whose image we are all created?  How  will you move beyond blame to building a stronger community and world?

Water Words

Baptism is a key aspect of our lives of faith as Christians - no matter if  you were baptized as an infant or as a teen or an adult.  Baptism is a mark of our relationship with God, a sealing of the covenant that God makes with us and with which we seek to live out daily.

We enter this season of Epiphany - a time focused on light, revelation and focus - being reminded of our own baptisms.  We read the various accounts of Jesus own baptism by John the baptizer in the Gospels (take the opportunity to compare the variety of accounts in Matthew 3:13-17; Mark 1:9-11; Luke 3:21-22; amd John 1:31-45).

Beyond the rituals of baptism, what does it mean for us to be baptized?  How are we called to live our our baptisms daily?  How is it more than one day  on the calendar, but rather a way of life?

In this year's Epiphany season, you are invited to remember your baptism as well as to prayerfully seek to dive deeply into that baptism and  your relationship with God.

This Sunday, you will recieve a "water drop" with a word on it.

This is your word for at least the next month (or year, if you so choose).  You are invited to pray that word and to seek its meaning in your life and your relationship with God.  Here are a few ideas to help you in this time of exploration:
           
1) Look up the various meanings of your word.  Go beyond just the literal meaning, but how else has it been used metaphorically, symbolically, etc.

2) How have you experienced (or not) this word in your life so far?

3) Who has exemplified this word to you?

4) Look up this word in scripture (not all of them are in the Bible specifically, so you may need to choose a synonmym or other meaning to assist you).

BUT most importantly -
      a) How is God speaking to you through this word?

      b) What does God want you to hear in and through this word?

      c) How is God calling you to live out this word daily?

At first,  you may not like the word or it might not resonate with you.  But give it time.  Or it may be a word that you aren't as familiar with (or for the kids, they may not understand it).  Give it time.

Pray  this word

Draw or write or find a picture that exemplifies this word.

Share your thoughts and reflections about  God's word for you with others.
       (If you have a written reflection, drawing, etc. that you are willing to share through this blog, on Sunday mornings or in other ways with the congregation - let me know so that we can make that happen.)

If you have any questions or would like more direction in this prayer exercise, feel free to let me know.  If  you are unable to be there when we receive our words in worship, let me know and I can pick one out for you.

I have been praying over each of these words and asking for God to give you the word that you need to hear right now.

As Christians, we are walking wet, changed by God's words of grace that comfort, guide, support and lead us in our every day lives.  One drop of water can change the surface of an ocean; one word from God can change us and God then works through us to change the world.

As for me and my house...

This song sung by singer/songwriter, Christopher Williams, is one by Bob Dylan (I just like this version better).  It is the song that came to mind for me as I prepared for yesterday's sermon based on Joshua 24:1-15.  This chapter has the most well-known verse from Joshua that finds its way onto many a plaque "As for me and my household. we will serve the Lord" and connected to it "choose this day who you will serve".

We live in a culture that prides itself on independence and "pulling our selves up by our bootstraps".  We often focus on taking care of me and my own; we have a commercial industry that tells us again and again that its all about "me".

But as Bob Dylan reminds us in this song "it might be the devil; it might be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody".  And as Joshua calls us to choose who will be serve - we are all serving somebody or something.

We may be serving our calendars, our jobs, our checkbooks, our pride, success, fear....

The choices that we make indicate who or what we are serving.  What guides your choices?  What has first place in your  life?  What/who is it that you just can't say "no" to?  Who or what are you serving?

"As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord"

In many ways, its not about making God first in  your life as opposed to second, third, fourth, but rather in choosing to serve the Lord, this choice infuses the rest of our life and our other choices. Choosing to serve God is reflected in how we spend our money or our time, how we use our gifts and talents, how we live in relationship with one another.  God does not want to be a separate part of our lives, but in all of our  lives.

"Choose this day who you will serve".

What might change for you  if all your choices and decisions were made with God in mind, with God as the guide for your life?  How might that change your life?

How will you finish this sentence: "As for my and my house, we will serve...."

I believe, help my unbelief...

For the month of August, we are looking at the CREEDS (primarily, the Apostle's Creed).  As Lutherans, this is something that we use regularly - whether its just a part of our normal worship service or in a baptism or as one of our young people and/or a new member affirms their faith.  We join them as a congregation to profess our faith using theses very familiar words
       I believe in God the Father...
               I believe in God the Son...
                      I believe in God the Holy Spirit.

While much could be said alongside the volumes that have  been written about the inner workings of the Trinity (One God revealed in three ways), I will leave that complicated discussion for another time.

The Creeds were originally developed in response to other counter beliefs (Gnosticism and Arianism, in particular).  These statements of faith were over and against what people were NOT supposed to believe. Bishops in Constantine's time (circa 325 AD for the Council of Nicea) were required to "sign on the dotted line" as their own profession of belief in these carefully chosen words.

While we don't require this same kind of signature today, the words of the Creeds have become ingrained within us.  Over the years, I have taken them for granted (much like the Lord's Prayer).  Do you too find yourself repeating them without really thinking about what it is you are saying?  Have they become so routine that we have failed to explore the depths of what they reveal about  God?

In our Affirmation (confirmation) Theme events, we explore them in greater depth, taking them apart piece by piece.  We seek to lift up how they show us the ways that God has chosen to reveal himself to us.  We seek to share how God continues still to be revealed to us today.

Over the next few weeks, we will explore these various aspects of God - as Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  But we won't stop there...  For the Creeds are more than statements about God, but as we profess our faith, they are proclamations about what it means for us to speak and to live them.

In Marcus Borg's book, The Heart of Christianity, he lifts up the Latin roots of the word "creed" which means to literally "to give my heart to" (to find out more about this topic, attend the class being offered on Sunday mornings by Michael Boyd).

The heart in Hebrew understanding is not so much about how I feel about someone or something, but rather the heart is the seat of our will or decision-making.  When we give our heart to something or someone, we are committing our whole selves to that person, purpose or perspective.  We are then called to be guided by our beliefs in the ways that we choose to live our lives daily.

As our young people prepare to affirm their faith, we ask them to write their own statements of faith.  They share a few sentences about what they believe about God.

What might your own statement of faith look like?  

How would you finish one of the following sentence:
     I believe God...  
     I give my heart to....


NOTE:
Instead of reciting the Apostle's Creed for the remainder of August, we are asking people to write their own statements of faith and if they would be willing to share them during worship.  If you are willing to do so, please let me know.

A Thousand Marbles

Each week, I try to read a few other blogs - most of the time, they are ones that I "accidently" discover through someone else's post.  I just finished reading, A Thousand Marbles by Jeffrey Davis (through the Patheos site) which offers a simple story with a profound message and reminder.  Go ahead and read it now - then come back here.  I'll wait.....




In this life and world when one day seems to blend into another, seasons pass in a blur and we can't even remember what we had for lunch yesterday, this blog reminds us to take the time each week to honor our relationships with one another.  It is more than just counting our blessings.  It is honoring the blessing of the relationships in our lives.




Earlier this week, our newly (re)formed Stewardship committee met and we got talking about the stewardship and care of our relationships.  We often take each other for granted or we  promise ourselves we will spend more time with that friend, grandparent, spouse, child - when we get the chance.  We talked about the gift of our church community and the relationships that have blessed our lives here.




God has entrusted us to each other; we were created to live in community and in relationship with one another.  These relationships are God's greatest gift to us.  How are you being a good steward of the people God has placed in your life?  How are you being called to care and love for these gifts?




We might have more or less marbles than the described thousand available to us - no one really knows the exact amount - but what matters is how we "spend" and use those marbles in our lives.  In the gift of this moment, how will you choose to honor the people in your life?  How will you live those 1000 (or more) marbles?

Everyone has a story

The title of this blog was a phrase that was recently shared with me.  It points to the need for us to consider that we don't know what's going on in someone else's life.  It calls us away from our tendency to judge first and find out more information later.


When that person cuts you off in traffic, you don't know if they are rushing to the hospital to welcome a new baby or get to work on time so that aren't fired.  Their actions might affect you, but we still don't know their story.


Knowing my own complicated family history, I learned early on to give others the "benefit of a doubt", that we didn't know what else was going on in their day or their lives.  There is much that we don't know about one another and much that can be difficult to share.


Everyone has a story.


And in the midst of our own stories is God's story.  From our first breath, we draw in the gift of life that was breathed into the beginnings of creation.  From the moment we open our eyes, we see God at work in our lives - from the rising of the sun, the blooming of a flower to the relationships that are entrusted to each of us. 


Its not so much that God enters into our story, but rather we are in God's story.


Yes, I know there are many who do not believe, who wear their atheism on their sleeve.  This is one of the ways that people seek to make sense of their own life story - hence the variety of faiths and religions that make up our world.  These various belief systems  only enhance and give greater depth to that phrase that "everyone has a story".


As I look back over my own story - the ups and downs, joys and sorrows and even the mundane day to day routines - I see more than just memories or particular snapshots in time.  I see that which has given shape to who I am today (good and bad). 


More importantly, along my life's journey thus far, I see God.  I see those people who God shared in my life who supported me during the rough parts when I couldn't do it myself.  I see the moments of unequivocal joy that celebrated the goodness God has placed among us.  I can peruse my own story and in all of it, there is God.


What is your story?


How has God been a part of that story?

What a difference a day makes...?

For some of the countdown has already begun - in just over 12 hours (or less, depending on when you are reading this), a New Year will have begun.  Resolutions will have been made (and some already broken, perhaps?)  We will put up new calendars and try to remember to write/type "2014" instead of "2013".

What a difference a day makes.  In one sense, it is just the setting and rising of the sun once again.  There will not be some magical change in the air that makes tomorrow any different than today (other than having the day off, lots of football games and of course, the Rose Bowl parade).  We are the ones who have placed the emphasis on this changing of the year from one to another.  (There is interesting information available about the development of each cultures calendars).

Other than the ordinariness of one year passing into another, we use this time to reflect on the past 12 months and lift up our hopes for the upcoming months.  It is an opportunity to step back and ponder our lives, especially when every other day seems to be a blur.

It is a time to set goals, to reevaluate our  lives and even our purpose.  We treat this new day and new year as a clean slate, as a time to start (or re-start) again.  It is fresh.  It is new.  It is full of possibilities.

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24)

By the grace of God, each day is new and full of possibilities.  Each day is a gift given and entrusted into our care.  We are invited to be stewards of each day.  We are blessed by God with these days and months to lie ahead of us.

In viewing our days this day, what difference might this make on not just today or tomorrow but on a day four and half months from now or in 238 days?  (someone do the math for me and let me know what those days will be).

I invite you to place this Bible verse someplace where you will see it to remind you of the new days that dawn every morning and how God provides a difference for our days and our lives.  (Note: you may chose to move this reminder around so that it doesn't become just a part of the scenery).